Hiring a social media consultant is like trying to pick the least sketchy taco truck—good luck, right? I’m sprawled on my sagging couch in Brooklyn, the radiator clanking like it’s auditioning for a horror movie, and my coffee table’s buried under empty seltzer cans and my laptop, which is currently screaming at me with a low battery warning. I burned my toast again this morning (third time this week, don’t @ me), and it’s kinda the perfect metaphor for how I torched my first attempt at hiring a social media pro for my candle side hustle. I thought I could just post some artsy pics, throw in #CandleVibes, and watch the followers roll in. Yeah, no. Here’s my raw, slightly humiliating take on what I’ve learned, straight from my messy life in the US.
Why I Needed a Social Media Pro (I Was a Hot Mess)
So, I’m at this overpriced coffee shop in Greenpoint a couple weeks ago, chugging a flat white that cost more than my electric bill, staring at X, trying to make my candle biz look legit. My posts were flopping harder than my attempt at a TikTok lip-sync (it was bad, okay?). I’d spend hours agonizing over captions, picking filters, and googling hashtags, but my posts got, like, two likes—one from my mom. I was drowning, and I knew I needed a social media consultant to pull me out of the digital deep end. But where do you even start?
Here’s why I couldn’t keep pretending I was an influencer:
- Social media pros know the algorithm’s secret sauce. I had no clue why my noon posts tanked but 7 p.m. ones got a few hearts.
- They save you from losing your mind. I was up at 3 a.m. watching YouTube tutorials on “Instagram growth,” and I was still clueless.
- They don’t baby your ego. I was obsessed with my candle pics, but a pro will straight-up tell you they suck.
What to Look for When Hiring a Social Media Consultant (I Screwed This Up)
My first stab at hiring a social media consultant was a total trainwreck. I found some guy on Upwork who swore he’d make me Insta-famous in two weeks. Spoiler: he took my $100 and ghosted me faster than a bad Hinge date. I was left crying into my bodega sandwich. Here’s what I wish I’d known before I yeeted my money into the void:
Creep on Their Past Work
You gotta make sure they’ve got receipts. I learned to ask for case studies or just stalk their clients’ socials on X or Insta. Are their posts fire? Do people actually care? I hired one “expert” with a shiny website, but their clients’ accounts were deader than my Wi-Fi during a rainstorm.
They Need to Get Your Whole Deal
My candles are all about that moody, witchy vibe, but my first consultant tried to make me post like I’m selling yoga pants. Big nope. When hiring a social media consultant, find someone who gets you. I found a badass on Fiverr who leaned into my spooky aesthetic and made my Insta look like a witch’s lair.
Don’t Skimp, But Don’t Get Scammed
I’m not saying you need to sell a kidney, but the $75 consultant I tried sent me a “strategy” that was just a blog post he stole off Google. Total scam. Hootsuite says $500-$1,500 a month is a solid range for a legit social media pro. Find someone who’s upfront about what you’re paying for.
My Biggest Fails Hiring a Social Media Guru (Don’t Be Me)
I’m not gonna lie, I did some dumb stuff. Like, I didn’t even check if my first consultant knew TikTok from LinkedIn. I saw “social media wizard” and threw cash at them like it was confetti. Here’s what I’d tell my past self while shaking her by the shoulders:
- Vibe check is mandatory. Get them on Zoom. If they sound like they’re selling timeshares, run.
- Ask for a plan upfront. My second consultant sent me a full content calendar before I paid a cent. Life-changing.
- Don’t expect to wake up famous. Going viral isn’t a switch you flip—it’s a grind.
I still get flashbacks to sitting on my couch, eating stale pretzels, watching my consultant’s “killer” post get three likes. Two were from my aunt. Kill me.
How a Social Media Strategy Saved My Butt
When I finally found a legit digital marketing help—shoutout to my girl Mia—it was like the sun came out. She got my social media strategy on lock, teaching me to post carousels, hop on trending audio, and embrace my weird candle obsession. I went from 40 followers to 700, which feels like I won the lottery.
What Mia brought to the table:
- A content calendar so I’m not panic-posting at 1 a.m.
- Analytics explained like I’m not an idiot. I finally get what “reach” means.
- Brutal honesty. She called my hashtags “sad” and hooked me up with better ones.
Wrapping Up This Chaos of Hiring a Social Media Consultant
Look, hiring a social media consultant isn’t like ordering a pizza—you can’t just pick the cheapest one and expect it to be good. It’s about finding someone who vibes with your brand, has the skills, and won’t ditch you. I’m still a mess sometimes, still burning toast and posting the occasional flop, but my online presence is starting to look like me. If you’re lost in the social media jungle, don’t do what I did—vet your consultant, check their work, and don’t expect to be Charli D’Amelio overnight.
